More SPR [Children]

From: toypup on 5 Dec 2006 12:40

After initial success, things have broken down and I have decided DS likes
SPR way too much. Part the problem is he sometimes won't stay put. I have
to go get him, which is a game to him. Because he won't stay put, I have to
hold him. Then, he starts kicking and scratching, which means I have to pin
him down so I don't get hurt, which he just loves. I don't talk to him or
interact in any way, just make it boring. In fact, it's actually relaxing
for me, but DS likes it so much, he is willing to not do what I want him to
do just so he can SPR. He will happily (I think he is really truly happy)
for 3 hours, and the pauses are less than a minute, but we keep having to
repeat. So, I think I will modify the SPR to just sending him to his room
until he's ready to come out and do whatever. That tactic has worked for
tantrums very well. Maybe it will work for doing his homework or his meds.
Right now, he is happily doing his homework, because we are going to the
park afterwards, only if his homework is finished by 9:48 (we are studying
about time).

From: Ericka Kammerer on 5 Dec 2006 14:33

toypup wrote:
> After initial success, things have broken down and I have decided DS likes
> SPR way too much. Part the problem is he sometimes won't stay put. I have
> to go get him, which is a game to him. Because he won't stay put, I have to
> hold him. Then, he starts kicking and scratching, which means I have to pin
> him down so I don't get hurt, which he just loves. I don't talk to him or
> interact in any way, just make it boring. In fact, it's actually relaxing
> for me, but DS likes it so much, he is willing to not do what I want him to
> do just so he can SPR. He will happily (I think he is really truly happy)
> for 3 hours, and the pauses are less than a minute, but we keep having to
> repeat. So, I think I will modify the SPR to just sending him to his room
> until he's ready to come out and do whatever. That tactic has worked for
> tantrums very well. Maybe it will work for doing his homework or his meds.
> Right now, he is happily doing his homework, because we are going to the
> park afterwards, only if his homework is finished by 9:48 (we are studying
> about time).

Remember that part of what makes the SPR work is that
you make it a choice between doing nothing and doing the
right thing. Having to hold him down is, unfortunately,
doing *something*. Instead of chasing him and holding
him down, insist that he pause in place (or come over and
stand by you, or whatever--don't make it a specific place,
like a chair, that he can play "keep away" with). Don't
touch him. If he runs away, prevent him from doing anything
else, but refuse to play chase or wrestle with him. This is
very annoying for the adult (not to mention time consuming),
but it will work with enough persistence.

Best wishes,
Ericka

From: bizby40 on 5 Dec 2006 14:49

From: Ericka Kammerer on 5 Dec 2006 15:59

bizby40 wrote:
> "Ericka Kammerer" <eek(a)comcast.net> wrote in message
> news:OJWdnfCXlOLWVOjYnZ2dnUVZ_qOdnZ2d(a)comcast.com...
>> Remember that part of what makes the SPR work is that
>> you make it a choice between doing nothing and doing the
>> right thing. Having to hold him down is, unfortunately,
>> doing *something*. Instead of chasing him and holding
>> him down, insist that he pause in place (or come over and
>> stand by you, or whatever--don't make it a specific place,
>> like a chair, that he can play "keep away" with). Don't
>> touch him. If he runs away, prevent him from doing anything
>> else, but refuse to play chase or wrestle with him. This is
>> very annoying for the adult (not to mention time consuming),
>> but it will work with enough persistence.
>
> Please explain to me how you can insist that a child do nothing
> without physically restraining them, chasing after them to prevent
> them from doing other things, or bringing in other consequences which
> would go against the whole SPR idea?

It depends on the situation--you have to be
creative. Basically, you have to try to find a way
to interfere with them doing something without making
a game of it. Sometimes it can be a simple as standing
nearby and giving them the hairy eyeball. If you've
got another parent handy, maybe the other parent stays
in their face saying, "Mommy asked you to go see her.
You need to do that now." It's hard to say specifically
because you have to work with the child and the
environment you have. What one child will perceive
as a game, another child won't. You just have to figure
out what it needs to be for your child. That's not
always simple, and it is usually very annoying and
time consuming, but you have to find a way to outlast
them.
For one of mine, it works to just stand over
him until he chooses to stop goofing off. No touching--
just standing disapprovingly. That's no fun. Yes, it
is incredibly time consuming for me, but also for him.
Again, part of what makes this successful is that the
child has to choose between doing nothing and doing
the right thing. They have to *choose* to "Pause."
If you have to chase them down and hold them, they're
not choosing and you're not really gaining. The beauty
of it is that in addition to your insistence on them
choosing acceptable behavior, they are *also* learning
how to take a step back and regroup *themselves*. If
they only way you get a "Pause" is to force it, they're
not learning that lesson. So, even though it takes
a lot longer (in the beginning), you have to keep at
it until they choose to Pause. Your goal is just to
make sure they can't do anything else effectively
until they do. So, if you need to touch them to
stop them from watching tv/playing with a toy/eating
a snack/etc., you can do that. But they have to
Pause by themselves (however you've defined that--
could be come stand by me, could be sit on the
stairs, could be sit in a specific chair, etc.).
Again, I realize that is painful and
time consuming. But whenever they know that they
can win just by outlasting you, it's all over.
They've always got more time than you do!

Best wishes,
Ericka

From: toypup on 5 Dec 2006 18:48

"Ericka Kammerer" <eek(a)comcast.net> wrote in message
news:OJWdnfCXlOLWVOjYnZ2dnUVZ_qOdnZ2d(a)comcast.com...
> Remember that part of what makes the SPR work is that
> you make it a choice between doing nothing and doing the
> right thing. Having to hold him down is, unfortunately,
> doing *something*. Instead of chasing him and holding
> him down, insist that he pause in place (or come over and
> stand by you, or whatever--don't make it a specific place,
> like a chair, that he can play "keep away" with). Don't
> touch him. If he runs away, prevent him from doing anything
> else, but refuse to play chase or wrestle with him. This is
> very annoying for the adult (not to mention time consuming),
> but it will work with enough persistence.

I really have no clue how to do that. He won't listen. Insisting won't
work. If he runs away, how do I prevent him from doing anything else? I am
willing to invest time. Believe me, I've spent most of the day some days
just doing SPR. The evil eye doesn't work for me. It never has. If I tell
him to just stay there and he does, he starts banging on the walls and doing
unacceptable things. If I ignore that, he runs away. If I stand over him,
he starts kicking me. He really, really loves SPR. In fact, he is doing
things purposely to get SPR. He will sit down willingly for SPR sometimes
just to start banging on the wall. Or, he takes SPR as the trade-off to not
do whatever I want. You know, he'd rather just sit there, and he's done it
for 3 hours straight. He lays there, I redirect, but he preferes to lay
there, so he lays there some more, doing absolutely nothing. The one
positive thing about SPR is that we don't escalate like we used to and I
don't feel out of control but rather relaxed, but his behavior is no
improvement.

| Next | Last
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Next: action songs