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From: toypup on 5 Dec 2006 12:40 After initial success, things have broken down and I have decided DS likes SPR way too much. Part the problem is he sometimes won't stay put. I have to go get him, which is a game to him. Because he won't stay put, I have to hold him. Then, he starts kicking and scratching, which means I have to pin him down so I don't get hurt, which he just loves. I don't talk to him or interact in any way, just make it boring. In fact, it's actually relaxing for me, but DS likes it so much, he is willing to not do what I want him to do just so he can SPR. He will happily (I think he is really truly happy) for 3 hours, and the pauses are less than a minute, but we keep having to repeat. So, I think I will modify the SPR to just sending him to his room until he's ready to come out and do whatever. That tactic has worked for tantrums very well. Maybe it will work for doing his homework or his meds. Right now, he is happily doing his homework, because we are going to the park afterwards, only if his homework is finished by 9:48 (we are studying about time).
From: Ericka Kammerer on 5 Dec 2006 14:33 toypup wrote: > After initial success, things have broken down and I have decided DS likes > SPR way too much. Part the problem is he sometimes won't stay put. I have > to go get him, which is a game to him. Because he won't stay put, I have to > hold him. Then, he starts kicking and scratching, which means I have to pin > him down so I don't get hurt, which he just loves. I don't talk to him or > interact in any way, just make it boring. In fact, it's actually relaxing > for me, but DS likes it so much, he is willing to not do what I want him to > do just so he can SPR. He will happily (I think he is really truly happy) > for 3 hours, and the pauses are less than a minute, but we keep having to > repeat. So, I think I will modify the SPR to just sending him to his room > until he's ready to come out and do whatever. That tactic has worked for > tantrums very well. Maybe it will work for doing his homework or his meds. > Right now, he is happily doing his homework, because we are going to the > park afterwards, only if his homework is finished by 9:48 (we are studying > about time). Remember that part of what makes the SPR work is that you make it a choice between doing nothing and doing the right thing. Having to hold him down is, unfortunately, doing *something*. Instead of chasing him and holding him down, insist that he pause in place (or come over and stand by you, or whatever--don't make it a specific place, like a chair, that he can play "keep away" with). Don't touch him. If he runs away, prevent him from doing anything else, but refuse to play chase or wrestle with him. This is very annoying for the adult (not to mention time consuming), but it will work with enough persistence. Best wishes, Ericka
From: bizby40 on 5 Dec 2006 14:49 "Ericka Kammerer" <eek(a)comcast.net> wrote in message news:OJWdnfCXlOLWVOjYnZ2dnUVZ_qOdnZ2d(a)comcast.com... > Remember that part of what makes the SPR work is that > you make it a choice between doing nothing and doing the > right thing. Having to hold him down is, unfortunately, > doing *something*. Instead of chasing him and holding > him down, insist that he pause in place (or come over and > stand by you, or whatever--don't make it a specific place, > like a chair, that he can play "keep away" with). Don't > touch him. If he runs away, prevent him from doing anything > else, but refuse to play chase or wrestle with him. This is > very annoying for the adult (not to mention time consuming), > but it will work with enough persistence. Please explain to me how you can insist that a child do nothing without physically restraining them, chasing after them to prevent them from doing other things, or bringing in other consequences which would go against the whole SPR idea? Bizby
From: Ericka Kammerer on 5 Dec 2006 15:59 bizby40 wrote: > "Ericka Kammerer" <eek(a)comcast.net> wrote in message > news:OJWdnfCXlOLWVOjYnZ2dnUVZ_qOdnZ2d(a)comcast.com... >> Remember that part of what makes the SPR work is that >> you make it a choice between doing nothing and doing the >> right thing. Having to hold him down is, unfortunately, >> doing *something*. Instead of chasing him and holding >> him down, insist that he pause in place (or come over and >> stand by you, or whatever--don't make it a specific place, >> like a chair, that he can play "keep away" with). Don't >> touch him. If he runs away, prevent him from doing anything >> else, but refuse to play chase or wrestle with him. This is >> very annoying for the adult (not to mention time consuming), >> but it will work with enough persistence. > > Please explain to me how you can insist that a child do nothing > without physically restraining them, chasing after them to prevent > them from doing other things, or bringing in other consequences which > would go against the whole SPR idea? It depends on the situation--you have to be creative. Basically, you have to try to find a way to interfere with them doing something without making a game of it. Sometimes it can be a simple as standing nearby and giving them the hairy eyeball. If you've got another parent handy, maybe the other parent stays in their face saying, "Mommy asked you to go see her. You need to do that now." It's hard to say specifically because you have to work with the child and the environment you have. What one child will perceive as a game, another child won't. You just have to figure out what it needs to be for your child. That's not always simple, and it is usually very annoying and time consuming, but you have to find a way to outlast them. For one of mine, it works to just stand over him until he chooses to stop goofing off. No touching-- just standing disapprovingly. That's no fun. Yes, it is incredibly time consuming for me, but also for him. Again, part of what makes this successful is that the child has to choose between doing nothing and doing the right thing. They have to *choose* to "Pause." If you have to chase them down and hold them, they're not choosing and you're not really gaining. The beauty of it is that in addition to your insistence on them choosing acceptable behavior, they are *also* learning how to take a step back and regroup *themselves*. If they only way you get a "Pause" is to force it, they're not learning that lesson. So, even though it takes a lot longer (in the beginning), you have to keep at it until they choose to Pause. Your goal is just to make sure they can't do anything else effectively until they do. So, if you need to touch them to stop them from watching tv/playing with a toy/eating a snack/etc., you can do that. But they have to Pause by themselves (however you've defined that-- could be come stand by me, could be sit on the stairs, could be sit in a specific chair, etc.). Again, I realize that is painful and time consuming. But whenever they know that they can win just by outlasting you, it's all over. They've always got more time than you do! Best wishes, Ericka
From: toypup on 5 Dec 2006 18:48
"Ericka Kammerer" <eek(a)comcast.net> wrote in message news:OJWdnfCXlOLWVOjYnZ2dnUVZ_qOdnZ2d(a)comcast.com... > Remember that part of what makes the SPR work is that > you make it a choice between doing nothing and doing the > right thing. Having to hold him down is, unfortunately, > doing *something*. Instead of chasing him and holding > him down, insist that he pause in place (or come over and > stand by you, or whatever--don't make it a specific place, > like a chair, that he can play "keep away" with). Don't > touch him. If he runs away, prevent him from doing anything > else, but refuse to play chase or wrestle with him. This is > very annoying for the adult (not to mention time consuming), > but it will work with enough persistence. I really have no clue how to do that. He won't listen. Insisting won't work. If he runs away, how do I prevent him from doing anything else? I am willing to invest time. Believe me, I've spent most of the day some days just doing SPR. The evil eye doesn't work for me. It never has. If I tell him to just stay there and he does, he starts banging on the walls and doing unacceptable things. If I ignore that, he runs away. If I stand over him, he starts kicking me. He really, really loves SPR. In fact, he is doing things purposely to get SPR. He will sit down willingly for SPR sometimes just to start banging on the wall. Or, he takes SPR as the trade-off to not do whatever I want. You know, he'd rather just sit there, and he's done it for 3 hours straight. He lays there, I redirect, but he preferes to lay there, so he lays there some more, doing absolutely nothing. The one positive thing about SPR is that we don't escalate like we used to and I don't feel out of control but rather relaxed, but his behavior is no improvement. |