Next: action songs
From: Anne Rogers on

>
> I am having enormous trouble trying to picture it. I can picture someone
> like
> Toypup's DS or Bizby's DD quite readily. This Pause of yours reminds me
> of
> that weird thing at netball where somebody dances around holding a hand up
> in
> front of the person who's trying to shoot. Completely ineffectual and
> very
> silly to look at.

completely ineffectual? it's darn hard to contentrate on shooting with
someone doing that in front of you and if your the person doing it, your on
your toes and ready to move when they do shoot, I've definitely saved goals
that way

Anne


From: Rosalie B. on
"bizby40" <bizby40(a)adelphia.net> wrote:
>"Welches" <debbie.welchNO(a)SPAMntlworldPLEASE.com> wrote in message
>news:1vAdh.672$z01.129(a)newsfe3-gui.ntli.net...
>>
>> "bizby40" <bizby40(a)adelphia.net> wrote in message
>> news:CaadnZPYdfPyXOvYnZ2dnUVZ_rCdnZ2d(a)adelphia.com...
>>> I remember when DD was 1 1/2 or 2, and I was having trouble getting
>>> her to get buckled into her car seat. Someone on here said
>>> something like "I don't understand -- if they're never given the
>>> option *not* to wear their seat belt, it will never occur to them
>>> to fight it." Well, this child had never moved an inch in the car
>>> without her belt on, and I rather resented the implication that I'd
>>> brought the situation on by being too lax.
>>>
>> This is going to depend on your child. If #1 always has to do
>> something it is rare for her to consider not to do it. If #2 always
>> has to do something then she wants to know what happens if she
>> doesn't. Neither of my children has ever travelled in a car without
>> a belt on. #1 would be upset to find she couldn't strap herself in
>> if there wasn't a belt. #2 regularly says "I don't think I'll sit in
>> the car seat today". And she never travels out of the seat so it's
>> nothing to do with expectations.
>
>Exactly. DS will generally do the things he has to do regularly
>without complaint (except he still complains about taking showers --
>why is it that so many kids hate to bathe anyway?) DD will just
>announce that she's not going to school today. Or she's not going to
>ride the bus. Or she's not going to get out of bed at all. Or she's
>not going to take the dog out. Or she's not going to practice her
>clarinet. Or she's not going to do her homework. This isn't
>everything, every day, but it is a constant challenge for us just to
>get her to do the things she *has* to do.
>
That's exactly like my #1 and #2 were. I had to lock #2 out of the
house to get her to go to school. I had teachers (like piano, ice
skating etc) tell me they refused to have her as a student anymore
because she was always arguing with them. It wasn't that she couldn't
do the things. She even WOULD do things. She just gave you a he!! of
an argument first.

>So, we've had to prioritize. School and schoolwork and safety issues
>take priority. The rest? Well, sure she needs to pick up after
>herself and help around the house. But there are times when being
>able to keep some kind of positive interaction going is more
>important.
>
After the initial problem with school, I had no more problem with
school or schoolwork. The only one that I needed to interfere at all
with was ds, and that was not until HS.

For safety, there was no question. If they were going to do something
that was unsafe, they were physically restrained from doing it. That
was something I felt passionately about, with no possible give-in, and
I guess they knew that because I didn't get a lot of argument.

But I was very relaxed about letting them make their own mistakes - I
didn't try to keep them from falling or getting hurt as long as it
wasn't fatal or resulted in broken bones or something.

As for picking up after themselves - I made them responsible for their
own rooms. I would help them sometimes to make the beds etc. DD#2
went to the US Air Force Academy, and she would make her bed up to
specs and then sleep on the floor so as not to mess it up. All of
them seem to be better housekeepers than I am now.


From: cailleach on
toypup wrote:

> In fact, he is doing
> things purposely to get SPR. He will sit down willingly for SPR sometimes
> just to start banging on the wall. Or, he takes SPR as the trade-off to not
> do whatever I want. You know, he'd rather just sit there, and he's done it
> for 3 hours straight.
.....

It seems to me that maybe your son is reacting to what must be a *very*
stressful situation - maybe a combination of stressful situations - in
some ways that show a *lot* of anxiety.

He might have a lot of things in his life just now that could make him
feel that way. His medication routine is pretty stringent, and
breathing trouble is stressful in itself. If your son is five, then he
wont have been in school long? And the judo lessons? I'm sure these are
good things in the long run, but in the short run maybe these add up to
a lot of new demands and stresses in your son's life, and maybe he is
reacting to the sum of all of it. Honestly, to me he really *doesn't*
just sound defiant or stroppy or manipulative, instead he sounds as if
he could be *terribly* anxious.

Can you take your DS back to the children's hospital and discuss all
this with the doctors and nurses there?

>... and then he's
> laaughing and giggling all the way through it and then every time he gets
> it the entire three hours. It looks and sounds exactly like the laughing
> and giggling that he does when he's playing.

I don't know if the giggling is the way your son expresses extreme
anxiety, or whether he is simply giggling with relief to spend three
hours with no pressure to *do* anything or *be* anything, but either
way I'd guess that he is just one scared miserable bunny.

So, would the staff at the children's hospital be able to advise you --
your son can't be the first of their patients who's going through this
kind of phase, can he?

All the best,

Cailleach



> "Ericka Kammerer" <eek(a)comcast.net> wrote in message
> news:OJWdnfCXlOLWVOjYnZ2dnUVZ_qOdnZ2d(a)comcast.com...
> > Remember that part of what makes the SPR work is that
> > you make it a choice between doing nothing and doing the
> > right thing. Having to hold him down is, unfortunately,
> > doing *something*. Instead of chasing him and holding
> > him down, insist that he pause in place (or come over and
> > stand by you, or whatever--don't make it a specific place,
> > like a chair, that he can play "keep away" with). Don't
> > touch him. If he runs away, prevent him from doing anything
> > else, but refuse to play chase or wrestle with him. This is
> > very annoying for the adult (not to mention time consuming),
> > but it will work with enough persistence.
>
> I really have no clue how to do that. He won't listen. Insisting won't
> work. If he runs away, how do I prevent him from doing anything else? I am
> willing to invest time. Believe me, I've spent most of the day some days
> just doing SPR. The evil eye doesn't work for me. It never has. If I tell
> him to just stay there and he does, he starts banging on the walls and doing
> unacceptable things. If I ignore that, he runs away. If I stand over him,
> he starts kicking me. He really, really loves SPR. In fact, he is doing
> things purposely to get SPR. He will sit down willingly for SPR sometimes
> just to start banging on the wall. Or, he takes SPR as the trade-off to not
> do whatever I want. You know, he'd rather just sit there, and he's done it
> for 3 hours straight. He lays there, I redirect, but he preferes to lay
> there, so he lays there some more, doing absolutely nothing. The one
> positive thing about SPR is that we don't escalate like we used to and I
> don't feel out of control but rather relaxed, but his behavior is no
> improvement.

From: toypup on

"Chookie" <ehrebeniuk(a)fowlspambegone.com.au> wrote in message
news:ehrebeniuk-00C32A.17414106122006(a)news-vip.optusnet.com.au...
> In article <Zyndh.9844$Py2.4114(a)newssvr27.news.prodigy.net>,
> "toypup" <toypup(a)sbcglobal.net> wrote:
>
>> He really, really loves SPR. In fact, he is doing
>> things purposely to get SPR. He will sit down willingly for SPR
>> sometimes
>> just to start banging on the wall. Or, he takes SPR as the trade-off to
>> not
>> do whatever I want. You know, he'd rather just sit there, and he's done
>> it
>> for 3 hours straight. He lays there, I redirect, but he preferes to lay
>> there, so he lays there some more, doing absolutely nothing.
>
> Are you telling me that a -- how old is he now, 5? -- kid has lain down
> awake
> in one spot for three hours, *without* your intervention?
>

Not without my intervention. I do SPR repeatedly and he is willing to do it
for 3 hours rather than the R part of it.


From: toypup on

"Chookie" <ehrebeniuk(a)fowlspambegone.com.au> wrote in message
news:ehrebeniuk-F353D7.18251806122006(a)news-vip.optusnet.com.au...
> The second thing is that this is a hell of a medication routine for a
> small
> boy. Up to four inhalers, a peak flow meter, PLUS multiple pills and
> liquids?! That would be a chore for an adult and must seem like forever
> to
> DS. Is there any way the number of medications could be reduced, combined
> or
> changed? Complain to your doctor next time you go about the fights and
> how
> long it takes (as for ). A talk to the pharmacist might also open up some
> possibilities. And as a final thought -- could some of the aggro be a
> side-effect of something?

Believe me, I am not a fan of medication. I have tried to do the least
possible amount up until now. We have added more and more, because he was
not getting any better. The last doctor we saw is a pediatric pulmonologies
and he decided we will be ultra-aggressive. Doing what we've been doing
hasn't worked, so we will try it his way. He put the kids on as many meds
as he could think of so that the asthma gets under control. He says once
the inflammation is under control, we will wean off to the minimum number of
meds.

We do do his meds in front of the tv. I sometimes turn it off so he had
some incentive to do his meds so that I will turn it back on. We do read
books, if he can be ready for bed by 8:30. This used to work until
recently. He doesn't want the books lately.

I admit that if I had to do all the meds he does, I would probably not do
them very well, either. I'd be inclined to skip them occasionally for a
break.


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