Next: action songs
From: Welches on 6 Dec 2006 09:31
"bizby40" <bizby40(a)adelphia.net> wrote in message
> "Chookie" <ehrebeniuk(a)fowlspambegone.com.au> wrote in message
>> In article <btCdnWnjj_sWkOvYnZ2dnUVZ_u6dnZ2d(a)adelphia.com>,
>> "bizby40" <bizby40(a)adelphia.net> wrote:
>>> Suppose the kids are watching TV, and I ask them to put away their
>>> clothes. The next commercial comes and goes, and they haven't done
>>> it. I will then ask again, and this time I will back it up by turning
>>> off the TV.
>>> I solved these by 1) disconnecting the cable to the upstairs TV, and
>>> 2) turning the knobs around so that she can no longer lock the
>>> playroom door. So now she's likely to run to her room and slam the
>>> door, or flounce off to the kitchen to get a drink, or basically do
>>> anything she can do to avoid doing what was asked.
>>> I can follow her around preventing her from doing these things, and I
>>> do, but it amounts to shadowing her and getting between her and
>>> things, and it starts feeling like physical intimidatation. She gets
>>> ever angrier and will escalate to screaming and/or violence and/or
>> So how DO you deal with it, Bizby? It sounds like a lot of hard work
>> this particular child.
> It is, and it's to the point now where we're getting outside help. The
> issues she is dealing with are not the typical kid issues. What I do
> depends on the situation. Some things I just let go as not being worth
> the struggle. Some things are important enough that if the physical
> shadowing is the only thing that works, then that's what I'll do. For
> most things it's a matter of when and how you ask.
>> I suppose the interesting question is why DD doesn't
>> feel that these things are her job.
> I remember when DD was 1 1/2 or 2, and I was having trouble getting her to
> get buckled into her car seat. Someone on here said something like "I
> don't understand -- if they're never given the option *not* to wear their
> seat belt, it will never occur to them to fight it." Well, this child had
> never moved an inch in the car without her belt on, and I rather resented
> the implication that I'd brought the situation on by being too lax.
This is going to depend on your child. If #1 always has to do something it
is rare for her to consider not to do it. If #2 always has to do something
then she wants to know what happens if she doesn't. Neither of my children
has ever travelled in a car without a belt on. #1 would be upset to find she
couldn't strap herself in if there wasn't a belt. #2 regularly says "I don't
think I'll sit in the car seat today". And she never travels out of the seat
so it's nothing to do with expectations.
> Now at age 11, the seatbelt is no longer an issue, and she buckles up
> automatically, thank goodness. On the other hand, she would happily never
> bathe or brush her teeth again, even though those have been similarly
> consistantly insisted upon. Is it true that there are some
> responsibilities that I should have passed onto her earlier in life?
> Probably. But it's also true that this girl is likely to always rebel
> against what she doesn't want to do, no matter how hard I work to make it
> a habit.
From: Welches on 6 Dec 2006 09:32
"Donna Metler" <dmmetler(a)xxxmidsouthxxx.rr.com> wrote in message
> Can you save something special for meds time? Right now, the only way I
> get my daughter's hair brushed without a fuss is PBS kids-I figure a few
> minutes of TV is worth the tradeoff of not having to fight with her.
I do hair over breakfast. They're sitting still, and are too busy eating to
From: Ericka Kammerer on 6 Dec 2006 11:00
> It is, and it's to the point now where we're getting outside help.
> The issues she is dealing with are not the typical kid issues. What I
> do depends on the situation. Some things I just let go as not being
> worth the struggle. Some things are important enough that if the
> physical shadowing is the only thing that works, then that's what I'll
> do. For most things it's a matter of when and how you ask.
Just as an aside, one of the things the authors
recommend, at least in the early stages of SPR, is keeping
a very close eye on the child in order to stop inappropriate
behaviors *immediately.* (Not meant to imply that you don't
do this--just observing that the shadowing is also something
recommended by these authors as part of SPR.)
From: bizby40 on 6 Dec 2006 14:09
"Welches" <debbie.welchNO(a)SPAMntlworldPLEASE.com> wrote in message
> "bizby40" <bizby40(a)adelphia.net> wrote in message
>> I remember when DD was 1 1/2 or 2, and I was having trouble getting
>> her to get buckled into her car seat. Someone on here said
>> something like "I don't understand -- if they're never given the
>> option *not* to wear their seat belt, it will never occur to them
>> to fight it." Well, this child had never moved an inch in the car
>> without her belt on, and I rather resented the implication that I'd
>> brought the situation on by being too lax.
> This is going to depend on your child. If #1 always has to do
> something it is rare for her to consider not to do it. If #2 always
> has to do something then she wants to know what happens if she
> doesn't. Neither of my children has ever travelled in a car without
> a belt on. #1 would be upset to find she couldn't strap herself in
> if there wasn't a belt. #2 regularly says "I don't think I'll sit in
> the car seat today". And she never travels out of the seat so it's
> nothing to do with expectations.
Exactly. DS will generally do the things he has to do regularly
without complaint (except he still complains about taking showers --
why is it that so many kids hate to bathe anyway?) DD will just
announce that she's not going to school today. Or she's not going to
ride the bus. Or she's not going to get out of bed at all. Or she's
not going to take the dog out. Or she's not going to practice her
clarinet. Or she's not going to do her homework. This isn't
everything, every day, but it is a constant challenge for us just to
get her to do the things she *has* to do.
So, we've had to prioritize. School and schoolwork and safety issues
take priority. The rest? Well, sure she needs to pick up after
herself and help around the house. But there are times when being
able to keep some kind of positive interaction going is more
From: Stephanie on 6 Dec 2006 15:02
"toypup" <toypup(a)sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> After initial success, things have broken down and I have decided DS likes
> SPR way too much. Part the problem is he sometimes won't stay put. I
> have to go get him, which is a game to him. Because he won't stay put, I
> have to hold him. Then, he starts kicking and scratching, which means I
> have to pin him down so I don't get hurt, which he just loves. I don't
> talk to him or interact in any way, just make it boring. In fact, it's
> actually relaxing for me, but DS likes it so much, he is willing to not do
> what I want him to do just so he can SPR. He will happily (I think he is
> really truly happy) for 3 hours, and the pauses are less than a minute,
> but we keep having to repeat. So, I think I will modify the SPR to just
> sending him to his room until he's ready to come out and do whatever.
> That tactic has worked for tantrums very well. Maybe it will work for
> doing his homework or his meds. Right now, he is happily doing his
> homework, because we are going to the park afterwards, only if his
> homework is finished by 9:48 (we are studying about time).
What is SPR?