Next: action songs
From: toypup on

"Jen" <anyofusNo(a)SPAMbigpond.net.au> wrote in message
news:ejsdh.3387$HU.2168(a)news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> I'm wondering if it's actually more of a "control" issue. He feels that
> so much of his life is totally out of his control, so mucking around like
> this is the only way he has control over things. He has control of the
> situation when he is sitting there for 3 hours, with you there with him.
>
> Maybe you could try making him in charge of some of his medications, or
> getting his sister prepared for hers, or taking some of his own, or
> something of the sort. With supervision, of course. Also having him in
> control of some other things in his life may help, if that's his
> personality type. He would need to be the one in total control of the
> thing/things he chooses, but you could still do the SPR when things go
> wrong.

He used to do his meds all by himself with supervision. He's too goofy with
them to do that most of the time now, though he did do all of them by
himself once last week. It's all in his mood.


From: toypup on

"Ericka Kammerer" <eek(a)comcast.net> wrote in message
news:efidnRR7Scq01-vYnZ2dnUVZ_sGdnZ2d(a)comcast.com...
> He sounds like a very strong willed, and clever,
> child. I think you have to accept that he's just testing
> you, and is better at it than most ;-) I rather suspect
> he doesn't *really* like sitting there doing nothing for
> hours.

Well, he's a good actor, then. What makes me think he likes it is that he's
deliberately trying to do things that get him SPR and then he's laaughing
and giggling all the way through it and then every time he gets it the
entire three hours. It looks and sounds exactly like the laughing and
giggling that he does when he's playing.

He's just got nothing better to do than to figure
> out where your breaking point is! ;-)
> What are you doing for a Pause?

Pinning him down.

Also, what are
> you counting as a successful Pause?

When he's in a spot not doing anything, just quiet. Isn't that supposed to
be a pause? Maybe I misread the book.

For instance, why
> is he laying down somewhere?

I tried telling him to stand, but he ran, so I held him. It was easier to
hold him if he's sitting, because he struggles, but he started kicking and
scratching. Each time I pinned down a limb or a finger or a head (he'd head
butt me), he got lower to the ground until he's laying down. I'm laying
down behind him (hard to paint you this picture) just to pin him down, but I
don't talk to him nor look at him. This is what he likes, but he likes
being chased, too. What to do?

It's not a Pause if he's
> supposed to be doing something and he's just lying
> there.

I thought pause was not doing anything, just being quiet in one spot.

>That's noncompliant behavior, not a Pause.

He wasn't compliant when he was running away, either. Sometimes, he'd jump
to the floor and just lay there when he knows he's getting SPR. I'd just
let him lay there but then he'd start acting out and kicking the wall or
something.

> If you need to take him physically to park him
> somewhere, it doesn't count as a successful Pause
> if he eventually relaxes in your arms. If you
> have to put him there, then you have to step back
> and he has to make the choice to get himself under
> control. If he darts out, you can recapture him and
> put him back, but again, you have to step back and
> he has to make a choice.

If I keep chasing him, he's having fun. If I'm sitting there staring at
him, he likes that, too, because he'll just pound the door or tip the chair
with his feet or kick me, if I'm close enough.

Keep it moving along.
> Park him somewhere different. Don't give him the
> opportunity to just lay there for three hours.

What should I do? How do I do that?

Honestly? I don't think this is the technique for us, at least not in its
purest form. I have taken a few things from it, though. It somehow has
gotten me to relax and I love that part. I no longer heap on the
punishments. I like that, too. I was planning to give this a month, but we
aren't going to last that long the way things are going. We'll have to try
maybe a variation of it, like having him go to his room instead of pausing
right there in front of us. The only problem with that is it will only work
at home.


From: Jen on

"toypup" <toypup(a)sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:cVsdh.538$Gr2.522(a)newssvr21.news.prodigy.net...
>
> "Ericka Kammerer" <eek(a)comcast.net> wrote in message
> news:efidnRR7Scq01-vYnZ2dnUVZ_sGdnZ2d(a)comcast.com...
>> He sounds like a very strong willed, and clever,
>> child. I think you have to accept that he's just testing
>> you, and is better at it than most ;-) I rather suspect
>> he doesn't *really* like sitting there doing nothing for
>> hours.
>
> Well, he's a good actor, then. What makes me think he likes it is that
> he's deliberately trying to do things that get him SPR and then he's
> laaughing and giggling all the way through it and then every time he gets
> it the entire three hours. It looks and sounds exactly like the laughing
> and giggling that he does when he's playing.


Here in Australia, we have a phone number to help parents with all sorts of
problems, or at least steer them in the right direction. I wonder if you
have something similar where you live. Maybe there's a counsellor or doctor
who can help you find some type of specialist that will help with the
problem.

I would be going totally crazy by now. I really feel for you.


Good luck


Jen


From: Chookie on
In article <Zyndh.9844$Py2.4114(a)newssvr27.news.prodigy.net>,
"toypup" <toypup(a)sbcglobal.net> wrote:

> He really, really loves SPR. In fact, he is doing
> things purposely to get SPR. He will sit down willingly for SPR sometimes
> just to start banging on the wall. Or, he takes SPR as the trade-off to not
> do whatever I want. You know, he'd rather just sit there, and he's done it
> for 3 hours straight. He lays there, I redirect, but he preferes to lay
> there, so he lays there some more, doing absolutely nothing.

Are you telling me that a -- how old is he now, 5? -- kid has lain down awake
in one spot for three hours, *without* your intervention?

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue
From: Chookie on
In article <btCdnWnjj_sWkOvYnZ2dnUVZ_u6dnZ2d(a)adelphia.com>,
"bizby40" <bizby40(a)adelphia.net> wrote:

> Suppose the kids are watching TV, and I ask them to put away their
> clothes. The next commercial comes and goes, and they haven't done
> it. I will then ask again, and this time I will back it up by turning
> off the TV.
>
> I solved these by 1) disconnecting the cable to the upstairs TV, and
> 2) turning the knobs around so that she can no longer lock the
> playroom door. So now she's likely to run to her room and slam the
> door, or flounce off to the kitchen to get a drink, or basically do
> anything she can do to avoid doing what was asked.
>
> I can follow her around preventing her from doing these things, and I
> do, but it amounts to shadowing her and getting between her and
> things, and it starts feeling like physical intimidatation. She gets
> ever angrier and will escalate to screaming and/or violence and/or
> destruction.

So how DO you deal with it, Bizby? It sounds like a lot of hard work with
this particular child. I suppose the interesting question is why DD doesn't
feel that these things are her job.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue
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