From: Kristina on
I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the behavior of his
criminal biological father. My son is a great kid (normally) but
recently he has started to lie and be disobedient. When he was in
kindergarten last year he acted out and that was attributed to some
things going on between my husband and I. Now in the first grade he
has started the same behavior and it is driving me nuts. Last year we
talked to him about what was going on, punished him from some things
and the situation got better. This year taking away the things he
loves isn't seeming to work. He is used to it so it doesn't bother
him now and I am left figuring out how to change his behavior. In
school he does his work and pays attention and even is a great helper
but his teacher has called me several times in regards to his
behavior. He plays with his materials, he talks out of turn, he just
seems to think that although the teacher and I speak frequently and we
are on the same page (we both tell him the same thing about learning
and why he goes to school-the whole 9) he is going to do what he wants
to do anyway. When he is good and follows all the rules he gets
rewarded with something special and I praise him for good behavior.
Lately that seems to not help, he lies about the dumbest of things and
I cannot for the life of me figure out if this is a phase or if it's
heredity. I have spanked him on occasion but spanking isn't a lasting
form of discipline. I was spanked as a child and although I turned
out fine, it only hurts for a bit and then once the pain is gone it's
like no big deal. I honestly do not know what to do. Although I am
not a single parent I am the primary disciplinarian, my husband is his
step-father (but the only father my son knows) and he steps in every
so often but not as much as I would like. He doesn't really
discipline his own kids and some of the behavior my son exhibits is
the same as his step brothers and sisters and even his biological
brothers and sisters. I understand I am his mother and it is my
responsibility but sometimes I am at my wits end and need more help
than I am given. So, that's what got me here! I know they say
raising boys isn't as easy as raising girls so I am pleading to those
of you who have raised or are raising boys and know what I am going
through, PLEASE HELP ME!!! Like I said before my son is a GREAT kid
and he's loving and is respectful but when he's in school he just
wants to act a damn fool. So I welcome ANY and ALL suggestions you
may have on how to get through this and deal with it so that his
behavior improves. JUST THINK ABOUT IT, HE'S ONLY 6, WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN HE'S A TEEN? OMG!

From: enigma on
Kristina <reddhotty69(a)gmail.com> wrote in
news:1192957082.509523.172350(a)q5g2000prf.googlegroups.com:

> I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the
> behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a
> great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and
> be disobedient.

what does his teacher say?
from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year
old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his
criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy?
boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so
don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare
his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy.
6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making
rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats
when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with
writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of
running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet
time).
if he's only having problems at school, you need to work with
the teacher or get him into a different classroom or school.
it may just be a poor match for his learning style, or he may
have learning disabilities (non-verbal learning disability,
central processing disorder,etc)
my son is 7. he's highly energetic, & has poor but slowly
improving fine motor skills. he would be in constant trouble
if he were in public school, so i don't subject him to that
torture. i send him to a Montessori school, where he can
choose what work he wants to do within guidelines, he can work
on his own level & not have to wait for the whole class to be
on the same page (he's reading at 4th grade level & doing 3-
4th grade math. he's doing robotics, & natural science is his
favorite subject, except when it's math<g>). his class is 18
kids & 2 teachers, plus music, movement, art, language,
cooking & 'guest' teachers. Montessori kids don't usually sit
at desks. they move around the room, sit on the floor or
chairs. they talk to & help each other. if they get above
grade level in a subject, they can go to the next level
classroom for part of the day (so he can go to upper el for
reading & math).
i'm sure if he went to public school he & i would be at the
principal's office almost constantly. but he's just a normal,
high-spirited boy. i encourage that. i don't want my kid being
an automaton.

the only other thing i suggest is maybe you should seek
councelling to lose that chip on your shoulder about the boy's
father. if you start thinking the poor kid is "criminal" at 6
years old, you *will* develop a self-fufilling prophecy.
oh, and talk to your current husband about disipline. give
him guidelines about what you think he should & should not do
to help you.
lee
From: Banty on
In article <Xns99D0561A99542enigmaempirenet(a)199.125.85.9>, enigma says...
>
>Kristina <reddhotty69(a)gmail.com> wrote in
>news:1192957082.509523.172350(a)q5g2000prf.googlegroups.com:
>
>> I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the
>> behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a
>> great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and
>> be disobedient.
>
>what does his teacher say?
> from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year
>old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his
>criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy?
> boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so
>don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare
>his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy.
> 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making
>rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats
>when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with
>writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of
>running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet
>time).

Ditto on what Lee said, and I'd like to really warn against either looking for
"criminal" traits in him, or extrapolating his current behavior to teen
behavior. He is not his biological father, and there are many huge
developmental changes between six and the teen years.

You know what helped me as a single mom of a six year old (as well as him)?
Getting involved in Cub Scouts. Not only did it give him a set of activities
every week and month that six year olds love and a bunch of friends, but it also
gave ME a good look at what actual young boys really act like. That will also
give you contacts with other parents with boys your age. For friends for him
from generally good families attentive and involved with their kids, and for
advice for you.

And really beware of the sefl-fulfilling prophecy effect. Behavior from a
perfectly normal six year old, not knowing that history, would be dismissed as a
six year old with a lot of energy, knowing that history, he can barely act or
speak without people thinking of that history. So I would leave that thought
behind. The only person that needs to worry about all of that would be his
physician should he ever need any evaluation.

But first get an energy outlet for him and a level-setting experience for you -
get him into Cub Scouts (he would start as a Tiger).

Banty

From: Knit Chic on

"Kristina" <reddhotty69(a)gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1192957082.509523.172350(a)q5g2000prf.googlegroups.com...
>I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the behavior of his
> criminal biological father.

um ....

My son is a great kid (normally) but
> recently he has started to lie and be disobedient. When he was in
> kindergarten last year he acted out and that was attributed to some
> things going on between my husband and I. Now in the first grade he
> has started the same behavior and it is driving me nuts. Last year we
> talked to him about what was going on, punished him from some things
> and the situation got better. This year taking away the things he
> loves isn't seeming to work. He is used to it so it doesn't bother
> him now and I am left figuring out how to change his behavior. In
> school he does his work and pays attention and even is a great helper
> but his teacher has called me several times in regards to his
> behavior. He plays with his materials, he talks out of turn, he just
> seems to think that although the teacher and I speak frequently and we
> are on the same page (we both tell him the same thing about learning
> and why he goes to school-the whole 9) he is going to do what he wants
> to do anyway. When he is good and follows all the rules he gets
> rewarded with something special and I praise him for good behavior.
> Lately that seems to not help, he lies about the dumbest of things and
> I cannot for the life of me figure out if this is a phase or if it's
> heredity.

No, it's not heredity ... it's environmental.

I have spanked him on occasion but spanking isn't a lasting
> form of discipline. I was spanked as a child and although I turned
> out fine,

Yet, you managed to have a child with a criminal and are having marrage
problems that effect your child. Doesn't sound 'fine' to me.

it only hurts for a bit and then once the pain is gone it's
> like no big deal. I honestly do not know what to do. Although I am
> not a single parent I am the primary disciplinarian, my husband is his
> step-father (but the only father my son knows) and he steps in every
> so often but not as much as I would like. He doesn't really
> discipline his own kids and some of the behavior my son exhibits is
> the same as his step brothers and sisters and even his biological
> brothers and sisters. I understand I am his mother and it is my
> responsibility but sometimes I am at my wits end and need more help

Therapy

> than I am given. So, that's what got me here! I know they say
> raising boys isn't as easy as raising girls so I am pleading to those
> of you who have raised or are raising boys and know what I am going
> through, PLEASE HELP ME!!! Like I said before my son is a GREAT kid
> and he's loving and is respectful but when he's in school he just
> wants to act a damn fool. So I welcome ANY and ALL suggestions you
> may have on how to get through this and deal with it so that his
> behavior improves. JUST THINK ABOUT IT, HE'S ONLY 6, WHAT HAPPENS
> WHEN HE'S A TEEN? OMG!
>

Sounds like you have a pretty normal kid w/ screwed up parents. :(


From: toypup on
On 21 Oct 2007 05:53:58 -0700, Banty wrote:

> You know what helped me as a single mom of a six year old (as well as him)?
> Getting involved in Cub Scouts. Not only did it give him a set of activities
> every week and month that six year olds love and a bunch of friends, but it also
> gave ME a good look at what actual young boys really act like. That will also
> give you contacts with other parents with boys your age. For friends for him
> from generally good families attentive and involved with their kids, and for
> advice for you.

That's actually quite true. When I see DS in the Tiger Cubs, he is
acutally quite well behaved. What he does do is normal. Before that, I was
worried he was misbehaving too much.