MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
in [Children]
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From: Kristina on 21 Oct 2007 04:58 I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and be disobedient. When he was in kindergarten last year he acted out and that was attributed to some things going on between my husband and I. Now in the first grade he has started the same behavior and it is driving me nuts. Last year we talked to him about what was going on, punished him from some things and the situation got better. This year taking away the things he loves isn't seeming to work. He is used to it so it doesn't bother him now and I am left figuring out how to change his behavior. In school he does his work and pays attention and even is a great helper but his teacher has called me several times in regards to his behavior. He plays with his materials, he talks out of turn, he just seems to think that although the teacher and I speak frequently and we are on the same page (we both tell him the same thing about learning and why he goes to school-the whole 9) he is going to do what he wants to do anyway. When he is good and follows all the rules he gets rewarded with something special and I praise him for good behavior. Lately that seems to not help, he lies about the dumbest of things and I cannot for the life of me figure out if this is a phase or if it's heredity. I have spanked him on occasion but spanking isn't a lasting form of discipline. I was spanked as a child and although I turned out fine, it only hurts for a bit and then once the pain is gone it's like no big deal. I honestly do not know what to do. Although I am not a single parent I am the primary disciplinarian, my husband is his step-father (but the only father my son knows) and he steps in every so often but not as much as I would like. He doesn't really discipline his own kids and some of the behavior my son exhibits is the same as his step brothers and sisters and even his biological brothers and sisters. I understand I am his mother and it is my responsibility but sometimes I am at my wits end and need more help than I am given. So, that's what got me here! I know they say raising boys isn't as easy as raising girls so I am pleading to those of you who have raised or are raising boys and know what I am going through, PLEASE HELP ME!!! Like I said before my son is a GREAT kid and he's loving and is respectful but when he's in school he just wants to act a damn fool. So I welcome ANY and ALL suggestions you may have on how to get through this and deal with it so that his behavior improves. JUST THINK ABOUT IT, HE'S ONLY 6, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE'S A TEEN? OMG!
From: enigma on 21 Oct 2007 08:27 Kristina <reddhotty69(a)gmail.com> wrote in news:1192957082.509523.172350(a)q5g2000prf.googlegroups.com: > I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the > behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a > great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and > be disobedient. what does his teacher say? from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy? boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy. 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet time). if he's only having problems at school, you need to work with the teacher or get him into a different classroom or school. it may just be a poor match for his learning style, or he may have learning disabilities (non-verbal learning disability, central processing disorder,etc) my son is 7. he's highly energetic, & has poor but slowly improving fine motor skills. he would be in constant trouble if he were in public school, so i don't subject him to that torture. i send him to a Montessori school, where he can choose what work he wants to do within guidelines, he can work on his own level & not have to wait for the whole class to be on the same page (he's reading at 4th grade level & doing 3- 4th grade math. he's doing robotics, & natural science is his favorite subject, except when it's math<g>). his class is 18 kids & 2 teachers, plus music, movement, art, language, cooking & 'guest' teachers. Montessori kids don't usually sit at desks. they move around the room, sit on the floor or chairs. they talk to & help each other. if they get above grade level in a subject, they can go to the next level classroom for part of the day (so he can go to upper el for reading & math). i'm sure if he went to public school he & i would be at the principal's office almost constantly. but he's just a normal, high-spirited boy. i encourage that. i don't want my kid being an automaton. the only other thing i suggest is maybe you should seek councelling to lose that chip on your shoulder about the boy's father. if you start thinking the poor kid is "criminal" at 6 years old, you *will* develop a self-fufilling prophecy. oh, and talk to your current husband about disipline. give him guidelines about what you think he should & should not do to help you. lee
From: Banty on 21 Oct 2007 08:53 In article <Xns99D0561A99542enigmaempirenet(a)199.125.85.9>, enigma says... > >Kristina <reddhotty69(a)gmail.com> wrote in >news:1192957082.509523.172350(a)q5g2000prf.googlegroups.com: > >> I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the >> behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a >> great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and >> be disobedient. > >what does his teacher say? > from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year >old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his >criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy? > boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so >don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare >his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy. > 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making >rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats >when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with >writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of >running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet >time). Ditto on what Lee said, and I'd like to really warn against either looking for "criminal" traits in him, or extrapolating his current behavior to teen behavior. He is not his biological father, and there are many huge developmental changes between six and the teen years. You know what helped me as a single mom of a six year old (as well as him)? Getting involved in Cub Scouts. Not only did it give him a set of activities every week and month that six year olds love and a bunch of friends, but it also gave ME a good look at what actual young boys really act like. That will also give you contacts with other parents with boys your age. For friends for him from generally good families attentive and involved with their kids, and for advice for you. And really beware of the sefl-fulfilling prophecy effect. Behavior from a perfectly normal six year old, not knowing that history, would be dismissed as a six year old with a lot of energy, knowing that history, he can barely act or speak without people thinking of that history. So I would leave that thought behind. The only person that needs to worry about all of that would be his physician should he ever need any evaluation. But first get an energy outlet for him and a level-setting experience for you - get him into Cub Scouts (he would start as a Tiger). Banty
From: Knit Chic on 21 Oct 2007 10:18 "Kristina" <reddhotty69(a)gmail.com> wrote in message news:1192957082.509523.172350(a)q5g2000prf.googlegroups.com... >I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the behavior of his > criminal biological father. um .... My son is a great kid (normally) but > recently he has started to lie and be disobedient. When he was in > kindergarten last year he acted out and that was attributed to some > things going on between my husband and I. Now in the first grade he > has started the same behavior and it is driving me nuts. Last year we > talked to him about what was going on, punished him from some things > and the situation got better. This year taking away the things he > loves isn't seeming to work. He is used to it so it doesn't bother > him now and I am left figuring out how to change his behavior. In > school he does his work and pays attention and even is a great helper > but his teacher has called me several times in regards to his > behavior. He plays with his materials, he talks out of turn, he just > seems to think that although the teacher and I speak frequently and we > are on the same page (we both tell him the same thing about learning > and why he goes to school-the whole 9) he is going to do what he wants > to do anyway. When he is good and follows all the rules he gets > rewarded with something special and I praise him for good behavior. > Lately that seems to not help, he lies about the dumbest of things and > I cannot for the life of me figure out if this is a phase or if it's > heredity. No, it's not heredity ... it's environmental. I have spanked him on occasion but spanking isn't a lasting > form of discipline. I was spanked as a child and although I turned > out fine, Yet, you managed to have a child with a criminal and are having marrage problems that effect your child. Doesn't sound 'fine' to me. it only hurts for a bit and then once the pain is gone it's > like no big deal. I honestly do not know what to do. Although I am > not a single parent I am the primary disciplinarian, my husband is his > step-father (but the only father my son knows) and he steps in every > so often but not as much as I would like. He doesn't really > discipline his own kids and some of the behavior my son exhibits is > the same as his step brothers and sisters and even his biological > brothers and sisters. I understand I am his mother and it is my > responsibility but sometimes I am at my wits end and need more help Therapy > than I am given. So, that's what got me here! I know they say > raising boys isn't as easy as raising girls so I am pleading to those > of you who have raised or are raising boys and know what I am going > through, PLEASE HELP ME!!! Like I said before my son is a GREAT kid > and he's loving and is respectful but when he's in school he just > wants to act a damn fool. So I welcome ANY and ALL suggestions you > may have on how to get through this and deal with it so that his > behavior improves. JUST THINK ABOUT IT, HE'S ONLY 6, WHAT HAPPENS > WHEN HE'S A TEEN? OMG! > Sounds like you have a pretty normal kid w/ screwed up parents. :(
From: toypup on 21 Oct 2007 12:05
On 21 Oct 2007 05:53:58 -0700, Banty wrote: > You know what helped me as a single mom of a six year old (as well as him)? > Getting involved in Cub Scouts. Not only did it give him a set of activities > every week and month that six year olds love and a bunch of friends, but it also > gave ME a good look at what actual young boys really act like. That will also > give you contacts with other parents with boys your age. For friends for him > from generally good families attentive and involved with their kids, and for > advice for you. That's actually quite true. When I see DS in the Tiger Cubs, he is acutally quite well behaved. What he does do is normal. Before that, I was worried he was misbehaving too much. |