From: Rosalie B. on 22 Oct 2007 23:46
Kristina <reddhotty69(a)gmail.com> wrote:
>On Oct 22, 8:00 pm, Rosalie B. <gmbeas...(a)mindspring.com> wrote:
>> >I AT NO TIME HAVE EVER SAID THAT MY CHILD WAS A CRIMINAL OR WILL BE A
>> >CRIMINAL!!!!!! NOR DID I SAY THAT I HATED HIS FATHER--AS A MATTER OF
>> >FACT HIS FATHER IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND HE WILL TELL YOU
>> >HIMSELF THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL AND HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE IN AND
>> >OUT OF JAILS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!
>> When you lead with the line ..
>> ".. has the behavior of his criminal biological father" the logical
>> conclusion from that statement is that you think your son will become
>> a criminal and it doesn't sound like you like his father very much
>> either. You didn't quote the father specifically and tell us that
>> he calls himself a criminal, so how could we know that?.
>> Commenting on this statement (which you now say you misled us with) is
>> not attacking you.
>> >Due to the
>> >lifestyle his father has chosen, my son does not have any dealings
>> >with his biological father.
>> >I thank you for everything that you have said and most of it I have
>> >already thought myself. I posted here b/c I was hoping to get some
>> >different ideas. BTW: I don't expect my son to turn out to be a
>> >criminal, actually I have high hopes for him. He wants to be like his
>> >daddy (my husband) when he grows up!
>> Scouts is good. But as far as sports and activity goes, you need to
>> think past baseball, football and soccer. Consider swimming, karate,
>> or bike riding. I confess I'm biased in favor of swimming, since I
>> used to be a coach. Parents would tell me that their children were
>> more focused, slept better and did better in school and at home when
>> they had swim practice on a regular basis. (girls as well as boys)
>When posting my message I didn't think that I had to give the
>specifics such as who said what and why this happened and so on but I
>see if I am going to post in the future I have to give in depth
No that's not it. IF you are going to make an inflammatory statement
about your child's biological father being a criminal THEN you need to
explain. But you didn't need to say anything at all about it. You
didn't need to even bring up the fact that he has a stepfather.
>details! I didn't think that I needed to give details on the
>background of my relationship of my sons biological father or any of
>the history that goes with my life. I wrote what I wrote b/c I needed
>advice outside of my family and friends. When the statement was made
>in regards to being attacked it was in reference to being told that my
>child has screwed up parents and what ever else. The fact of the
People said that because of what you wrote. Of course we don't know
you. We are going by what you WRITE. If you write stuff that makes
you seem screwed up, then that is what people will think. The primary
thing that made it look like that was the opening statement about "..
has the behavior of his criminal biological father" That raises red
flags and might make us think that you are just a troll.
>opinions are just that. I do appreciate everything that everyone has
>said but the fact of the matter is some of you take something and run
>with it instead of asking what was meant by the statement. I want to
We shouldn't have to ask. If you want advice you should be accurate
and succinct in the FIRST post that you make.
>be a good parent and if trying to get other ideas besides spanking and
>punishing my child will help me and my child then so be it. Most of
>you act as if you have never had problems with your children and like
>you knew everything about raising a child. Unlike the rest of you I
We write the way we do because we DID have problems with our children
and want to try to help you so that you don't make the same mistakes
that we did.
>was not given a manual nor did i attend any classes that said this is
>how to raise a totally perfect child.My son is an amazing little
>person and I just want to be sure that his recent behavior is not
>something that I need to be more concerned about. So if the wording I
>used leads all of you to believe that I think something of my child
>that I, my family and God know I don't think and/or feel then so be it-
>think what you will!
That sounds like you don't want any advice unless it is easy.
From: Citcom on 23 Oct 2007 07:19
"Rosalie B." <gmbeasley(a)mindspring.com> wrote in message
> Kristina <reddhotty69(a)gmail.com> wrote:
>>On Oct 21, 8:27 am, enigma <eni...(a)evil.net> wrote:
>>> Kristina <reddhott...(a)gmail.com> wrote
>>> > I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the
>>> > behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a
>>> > great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and
>>> > be disobedient.
>>> what does his teacher say?
>>> from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year
>>> old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his
>>> criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy?
>>> boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so
>>> don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare
>>> his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy.
>>> 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making
>>> rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats
>>> when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with
>>> writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of
>>> running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet
>>> if he's only having problems at school, you need to work with
>>> the teacher or get him into a different classroom or school.
>>> it may just be a poor match for his learning style, or he may
>>> have learning disabilities (non-verbal learning disability,
>>> central processing disorder,etc)
>>> my son is 7. he's highly energetic, & has poor but slowly
>>> improving fine motor skills. he would be in constant trouble
>>> if he were in public school, so i don't subject him to that
>>> torture. i send him to a Montessori school, where he can
>>> choose what work he wants to do within guidelines, he can work
>>> on his own level & not have to wait for the whole class to be
>>> on the same page (he's reading at 4th grade level & doing 3-
>>> 4th grade math. he's doing robotics, & natural science is his
>>> favorite subject, except when it's math<g>). his class is 18
>>> kids & 2 teachers, plus music, movement, art, language,
>>> cooking & 'guest' teachers. Montessori kids don't usually sit
>>> at desks. they move around the room, sit on the floor or
>>> chairs. they talk to & help each other. if they get above
>>> grade level in a subject, they can go to the next level
>>> classroom for part of the day (so he can go to upper el for
>>> reading & math).
>>> i'm sure if he went to public school he & i would be at the
>>> principal's office almost constantly. but he's just a normal,
>>> high-spirited boy. i encourage that. i don't want my kid being
>>> an automaton.
>>> the only other thing i suggest is maybe you should seek
>>> councelling to lose that chip on your shoulder about the boy's
>>> father. if you start thinking the poor kid is "criminal" at 6
>>> years old, you *will* develop a self-fufilling prophecy.
>>> oh, and talk to your current husband about disipline. give
>>> him guidelines about what you think he should & should not do
>>> to help you.
>>I AT NO TIME HAVE EVER SAID THAT MY CHILD WAS A CRIMINAL OR WILL BE A
>>CRIMINAL!!!!!! NOR DID I SAY THAT I HATED HIS FATHER--AS A MATTER OF
>>FACT HIS FATHER IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND HE WILL TELL YOU
>>HIMSELF THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL AND HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE IN AND
>>OUT OF JAILS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!
> When you lead with the line ..
> ".. has the behavior of his criminal biological father" the logical
> conclusion from that statement is that you think your son will become
> a criminal and it doesn't sound like you like his father very much
> either. You didn't quote the father specifically and tell us that
> he calls himself a criminal, so how could we know that?.
I just took the statement to be a description, his biological father is a
criminal. I didn't infer anything from that about how the original poster
feels about the father or her son's future.
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From: enigma on 23 Oct 2007 07:37
Ericka Kammerer <eek(a)comcast.net> wrote in
> Rosalie B. wrote:
>> Scouts is good. But as far as sports and activity goes,
>> you need to think past baseball, football and soccer.
>> Consider swimming, karate, or bike riding
> ...and dance and music and art and chess and tennis
> all sorts of other things. What is he drawn to?
Boo has resisted every suggestion for extracurricular
activities, until we got to horseback riding & robotics. he
likes camping with us, but we rejected scouts on political
grounds (we don't like their politics vis a vis gays & non-
mainstream religions). he's not interested in 4H because the
formal meetings bore him to tears.
he was all gung-ho about learning guitar until his teacher in
kindy told him he was "holding it wrong" & squashed all
interest (so i have this child size guitar now... grrrrrr)
he's also really good at pool... ;)
is 6 a good age to start with a pet? we have oodles of animals
anyway, so mine has grown up with 'feed the dogs' & 'clean the
henhouse'... maybe responsibility for a small pet (hermit
crab, for example) would help?
From: Illiana via FamilyKB.com on 23 Oct 2007 08:49
>I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the behavior of his
>criminal biological father. My son is a great kid (normally) but
>recently he has started to lie and be disobedient. When he was in
>kindergarten last year he acted out and that was attributed to some
>things going on between my husband and I. Now in the first grade he
>has started the same behavior and it is driving me nuts. Last year we
>talked to him about what was going on, punished him from some things
>and the situation got better. This year taking away the things he
>loves isn't seeming to work. He is used to it so it doesn't bother
>him now and I am left figuring out how to change his behavior. In
>school he does his work and pays attention and even is a great helper
>but his teacher has called me several times in regards to his
>behavior. He plays with his materials, he talks out of turn, he just
>seems to think that although the teacher and I speak frequently and we
>are on the same page (we both tell him the same thing about learning
>and why he goes to school-the whole 9) he is going to do what he wants
>to do anyway. When he is good and follows all the rules he gets
>rewarded with something special and I praise him for good behavior.
>Lately that seems to not help, he lies about the dumbest of things and
>I cannot for the life of me figure out if this is a phase or if it's
>heredity. I have spanked him on occasion but spanking isn't a lasting
>form of discipline. I was spanked as a child and although I turned
>out fine, it only hurts for a bit and then once the pain is gone it's
>like no big deal. I honestly do not know what to do. Although I am
>not a single parent I am the primary disciplinarian, my husband is his
>step-father (but the only father my son knows) and he steps in every
>so often but not as much as I would like. He doesn't really
>discipline his own kids and some of the behavior my son exhibits is
>the same as his step brothers and sisters and even his biological
>brothers and sisters. I understand I am his mother and it is my
>responsibility but sometimes I am at my wits end and need more help
>than I am given. So, that's what got me here! I know they say
>raising boys isn't as easy as raising girls so I am pleading to those
>of you who have raised or are raising boys and know what I am going
>through, PLEASE HELP ME!!! Like I said before my son is a GREAT kid
>and he's loving and is respectful but when he's in school he just
>wants to act a damn fool. So I welcome ANY and ALL suggestions you
>may have on how to get through this and deal with it so that his
>behavior improves. JUST THINK ABOUT IT, HE'S ONLY 6, WHAT HAPPENS
>WHEN HE'S A TEEN? OMG!
First off, your child is behaving like a NORMAL 6 year old. They do talk out
of turn, play around, and most of them are hard headed. There is nothing
wrong with your son. The problem lies with his teacher, and her inability to
handle an unmedicated, normal child in her classroom.
You're going to get frustrated, we all do as parents. Next time Mrs. I am a
teacher but can not tolerate a normal child calls you about your son's
behavior, make her be specific aboput what the problem is, and then ask her
if your son is the only child doing what she is complaining about.
Chances are her answer will be that other children are acting the same way.
As for the other kids that do not live with you and your husband-let their
Message posted via FamilyKB.com
From: Mary_Gordon on 23 Oct 2007 09:09
Hi Kristina, I'm mom of three (now 16, 13 and 9). You mentioned that
your son "resisted" being signed up for activities. My take on this -
you are the parent, and yes, you do try to take inclinations and
interests into account - but a lot of these activities are GOOD for
the kid, so as the parent, you may have to take charge. Extra
curricular activities develop social skills, athletic and other skills
(art, music, dance, new hobbies, you name it), keep them busy, give
them a sense of accomplishment and self worth, help them learn
independence and responsibility etc.etc.
My middle kid hates everything new, and until recently, would always
say no to whatever was on offer, from cubs and scouts, to music
lessons, to summer camp. Essentially, if we had listened to him, he
never would have left the house other than for school. We signed him
up for all kinds of things, and once you get him dragged out the door,
he has a blast - and sometimes he'll actually admit it.
If I had signed him up for something and found he was truly miserable
doing it, I wouldn't insist - but I find once he's there and into it,
he's thriving. And the doors these things can open to a kid. Just for
instance, he's a very talented guitar player at this point, and its a
HUGE big deal for his ego and his social life.
And there are some things I just want him to know how to do as an
essential life skill, like swim, so that one was non-negotiable.