From: Rosalie B. on
Kristina <reddhotty69(a)gmail.com> wrote:

>On Oct 21, 8:27 am, enigma <eni...(a)evil.net> wrote:
>> Kristina <reddhott...(a)gmail.com> wrote innews:1192957082.509523.172350(a)q5g2000prf.googlegroups.com:
>>
>> > I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the
>> > behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a
>> > great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and
>> > be disobedient.
>>
>> what does his teacher say?
>> from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year
>> old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his
>> criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy?
>> boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so
>> don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare
>> his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy.
>> 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making
>> rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats
>> when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with
>> writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of
>> running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet
>> time).
>> if he's only having problems at school, you need to work with
>> the teacher or get him into a different classroom or school.
>> it may just be a poor match for his learning style, or he may
>> have learning disabilities (non-verbal learning disability,
>> central processing disorder,etc)
>> my son is 7. he's highly energetic, & has poor but slowly
>> improving fine motor skills. he would be in constant trouble
>> if he were in public school, so i don't subject him to that
>> torture. i send him to a Montessori school, where he can
>> choose what work he wants to do within guidelines, he can work
>> on his own level & not have to wait for the whole class to be
>> on the same page (he's reading at 4th grade level & doing 3-
>> 4th grade math. he's doing robotics, & natural science is his
>> favorite subject, except when it's math<g>). his class is 18
>> kids & 2 teachers, plus music, movement, art, language,
>> cooking & 'guest' teachers. Montessori kids don't usually sit
>> at desks. they move around the room, sit on the floor or
>> chairs. they talk to & help each other. if they get above
>> grade level in a subject, they can go to the next level
>> classroom for part of the day (so he can go to upper el for
>> reading & math).
>> i'm sure if he went to public school he & i would be at the
>> principal's office almost constantly. but he's just a normal,
>> high-spirited boy. i encourage that. i don't want my kid being
>> an automaton.
>>
>> the only other thing i suggest is maybe you should seek
>> councelling to lose that chip on your shoulder about the boy's
>> father. if you start thinking the poor kid is "criminal" at 6
>> years old, you *will* develop a self-fufilling prophecy.
>> oh, and talk to your current husband about disipline. give
>> him guidelines about what you think he should & should not do
>> to help you.
>> lee
>
>I AT NO TIME HAVE EVER SAID THAT MY CHILD WAS A CRIMINAL OR WILL BE A
>CRIMINAL!!!!!! NOR DID I SAY THAT I HATED HIS FATHER--AS A MATTER OF
>FACT HIS FATHER IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND HE WILL TELL YOU
>HIMSELF THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL AND HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE IN AND
>OUT OF JAILS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!

When you lead with the line ..
".. has the behavior of his criminal biological father" the logical
conclusion from that statement is that you think your son will become
a criminal and it doesn't sound like you like his father very much
either. You didn't quote the father specifically and tell us that
he calls himself a criminal, so how could we know that?.

Commenting on this statement (which you now say you misled us with) is
not attacking you.

>Due to the
>lifestyle his father has chosen, my son does not have any dealings
>with his biological father.
<snip>
>I thank you for everything that you have said and most of it I have
>already thought myself. I posted here b/c I was hoping to get some
>different ideas. BTW: I don't expect my son to turn out to be a
>criminal, actually I have high hopes for him. He wants to be like his
>daddy (my husband) when he grows up!

Scouts is good. But as far as sports and activity goes, you need to
think past baseball, football and soccer. Consider swimming, karate,
or bike riding. I confess I'm biased in favor of swimming, since I
used to be a coach. Parents would tell me that their children were
more focused, slept better and did better in school and at home when
they had swim practice on a regular basis. (girls as well as boys)



From: Kristina on
On Oct 22, 8:00 pm, Rosalie B. <gmbeas...(a)mindspring.com> wrote:
> Kristina <reddhott...(a)gmail.com> wrote:
> >On Oct 21, 8:27 am, enigma <eni...(a)evil.net> wrote:
> >> Kristina <reddhott...(a)gmail.com> wrote innews:1192957082.509523.172350(a)q5g2000prf.googlegroups.com:
>
> >> > I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the
> >> > behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a
> >> > great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and
> >> > be disobedient.
>
> >> what does his teacher say?
> >> from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year
> >> old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his
> >> criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy?
> >> boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so
> >> don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare
> >> his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy.
> >> 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making
> >> rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats
> >> when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with
> >> writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of
> >> running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet
> >> time).
> >> if he's only having problems at school, you need to work with
> >> the teacher or get him into a different classroom or school.
> >> it may just be a poor match for his learning style, or he may
> >> have learning disabilities (non-verbal learning disability,
> >> central processing disorder,etc)
> >> my son is 7. he's highly energetic, & has poor but slowly
> >> improving fine motor skills. he would be in constant trouble
> >> if he were in public school, so i don't subject him to that
> >> torture. i send him to a Montessori school, where he can
> >> choose what work he wants to do within guidelines, he can work
> >> on his own level & not have to wait for the whole class to be
> >> on the same page (he's reading at 4th grade level & doing 3-
> >> 4th grade math. he's doing robotics, & natural science is his
> >> favorite subject, except when it's math<g>). his class is 18
> >> kids & 2 teachers, plus music, movement, art, language,
> >> cooking & 'guest' teachers. Montessori kids don't usually sit
> >> at desks. they move around the room, sit on the floor or
> >> chairs. they talk to & help each other. if they get above
> >> grade level in a subject, they can go to the next level
> >> classroom for part of the day (so he can go to upper el for
> >> reading & math).
> >> i'm sure if he went to public school he & i would be at the
> >> principal's office almost constantly. but he's just a normal,
> >> high-spirited boy. i encourage that. i don't want my kid being
> >> an automaton.
>
> >> the only other thing i suggest is maybe you should seek
> >> councelling to lose that chip on your shoulder about the boy's
> >> father. if you start thinking the poor kid is "criminal" at 6
> >> years old, you *will* develop a self-fufilling prophecy.
> >> oh, and talk to your current husband about disipline. give
> >> him guidelines about what you think he should & should not do
> >> to help you.
> >> lee
>
> >I AT NO TIME HAVE EVER SAID THAT MY CHILD WAS A CRIMINAL OR WILL BE A
> >CRIMINAL!!!!!! NOR DID I SAY THAT I HATED HIS FATHER--AS A MATTER OF
> >FACT HIS FATHER IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND HE WILL TELL YOU
> >HIMSELF THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL AND HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE IN AND
> >OUT OF JAILS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!
>
> When you lead with the line ..
> ".. has the behavior of his criminal biological father" the logical
> conclusion from that statement is that you think your son will become
> a criminal and it doesn't sound like you like his father very much
> either. You didn't quote the father specifically and tell us that
> he calls himself a criminal, so how could we know that?.
>
> Commenting on this statement (which you now say you misled us with) is
> not attacking you.
>
>
>
> >Due to the
> >lifestyle his father has chosen, my son does not have any dealings
> >with his biological father.
> <snip>
> >I thank you for everything that you have said and most of it I have
> >already thought myself. I posted here b/c I was hoping to get some
> >different ideas. BTW: I don't expect my son to turn out to be a
> >criminal, actually I have high hopes for him. He wants to be like his
> >daddy (my husband) when he grows up!
>
> Scouts is good. But as far as sports and activity goes, you need to
> think past baseball, football and soccer. Consider swimming, karate,
> or bike riding. I confess I'm biased in favor of swimming, since I
> used to be a coach. Parents would tell me that their children were
> more focused, slept better and did better in school and at home when
> they had swim practice on a regular basis. (girls as well as boys)

When posting my message I didn't think that I had to give the
specifics such as who said what and why this happened and so on but I
see if I am going to post in the future I have to give in depth
details! I didn't think that I needed to give details on the
background of my relationship of my sons biological father or any of
the history that goes with my life. I wrote what I wrote b/c I needed
advice outside of my family and friends. When the statement was made
in regards to being attacked it was in reference to being told that my
child has screwed up parents and what ever else. The fact of the
matter is none of you know me and the things that you say are your
opinions are just that. I do appreciate everything that everyone has
said but the fact of the matter is some of you take something and run
with it instead of asking what was meant by the statement. I want to
be a good parent and if trying to get other ideas besides spanking and
punishing my child will help me and my child then so be it. Most of
you act as if you have never had problems with your children and like
you knew everything about raising a child. Unlike the rest of you I
was not given a manual nor did i attend any classes that said this is
how to raise a totally perfect child.My son is an amazing little
person and I just want to be sure that his recent behavior is not
something that I need to be more concerned about. So if the wording I
used leads all of you to believe that I think something of my child
that I, my family and God know I don't think and/or feel then so be it-
think what you will!

From: Banty on
In article <1193090992.803392.54620(a)e34g2000pro.googlegroups.com>, Kristina
says...
>
>On Oct 21, 8:53 am, Banty <Banty_mem...(a)newsguy.com> wrote:

>> You know what helped me as a single mom of a six year old (as well as him)?
>>Getting involved in Cub Scouts. Not only did it give him a set of activities
>>every week and month that six year olds love and a bunch of friends, but it also
>>gave ME a good look at what actual young boys really act like. That will also
>> give you contacts with other parents with boys your age. For friends for him
>> from generally good families attentive and involved with their kids, and for
>> advice for you.
>>
>> And really beware of the sefl-fulfilling prophecy effect. Behavior from a
>>perfectly normal six year old, not knowing that history, would be dismissed as a
>> six year old with a lot of energy, knowing that history, he can barely act or
>> speak without people thinking of that history. So I would leave that thought
>> behind. The only person that needs to worry about all of that would be his
>> physician should he ever need any evaluation.
>>
>>But first get an energy outlet for him and a level-setting experience for you -
>> get him into Cub Scouts (he would start as a Tiger).
>>
>> Banty
>
>THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I have been racking my brain for some
>time now on programs for 6yr old boys. Considering I don't know many
>people with 6yr old boys that actually care what is going on with
>their children, it's hard for me to come up with anything. My husband
>has suggested sports and not that that's a bad idea but right now my
>son doesn't really have an interest in sports. How do I go about
>getting him into the cub scouts? No one knows about his biological
>father, everyone thinks my husband is his father and I plan to keep it
>that way. My son knows, my husband knows and the biological father
>knows and that's all that we need to know. I TRULY APPRECIATE THE
>SUGGESTION and any others that you may have. Thank you for not
>attacking me like some responses I have gotten.
>

http://www.joincubscouting.org/

Then call your local council.

And you're welcome :)

Banty

From: Ericka Kammerer on
Rosalie B. wrote:

> Scouts is good. But as far as sports and activity goes, you need to
> think past baseball, football and soccer. Consider swimming, karate,
> or bike riding

...and dance and music and art and chess and tennis and
all sorts of other things. What is he drawn to?

Best wishes,
Ericka
From: Chris on
It's disappointing these days that teachers will actually send out an
e-mail to all parents of students that reads something like "Send in
pics for our sports board, and oh by the way, I need you to speak to
your children about how noisy they have been lately in the classroom
and while walking in the halls. I'm thinking I'll need to send home
blue-notes if it doesn't improve."

Blue notes? Go ahead. At least the kids will see you mean business.
I'm wondering what ever happened to the teacher that switched off the
lights when the class got loud that gave that "look" that put the fear
of God into ya who made you put your head down on your desk until
order could be restored while you thought about what it was she
wanted, or the teacher who turned her class around from walking down
the hall to gym class, lunch, or recess, because they did not do it
the "right" way (the right way being in an orderly and quiet fashion),
or the teacher who singled out the unruly kids by placing them in the
front or back of the room. kwim?

All I can say, is now that I've been through grades K-4, it has become
painfully obvious to me which teachers are organized and who command
the proper respect from their students and those who cannot because
they simply don't want to be in "that" position. On the up side, I can
now request my second child get those teachers as we learn who they
are.


>
> My question is: why is the teacher involving you in discipline of such
> trivial things as talking and fidgeting in class? Don't they have a class
> disciplinary system of some sort? AFAIAC, what happens in school stays in
> school, with limited exceptions. Does the school emphasise positive
> discipline? Or the teacher?
>