From: toypup on 21 Oct 2007 12:21
On Sun, 21 Oct 2007 08:58:02 -0000, Kristina wrote:
> behavior improves. JUST THINK ABOUT IT, HE'S ONLY 6, WHAT HAPPENS
> WHEN HE'S A TEEN? OMG!
I read a few books when DS was going through a tough jag. I hit on one
that worked wonders. It's called Parenting the Strong-willed Child by Rex
Forehand. I followed their 5 week program as well as I could. It was
nothing other books don't recommend, but it gave exact instructions on how
to implement everything. I could see results starting the first week and
every week after that, which just kept me going. It was the best thing I
ever did as a parent.
From: Chris on 21 Oct 2007 14:05
> school he does his work and pays attention and even is a great helper
> but his teacher has called me several times in regards to his
> behavior. He plays with his materials, he talks out of turn, he just
> seems to think that although the teacher and I speak frequently and we
> are on the same page (we both tell him the same thing about learning
> and why he goes to school-the whole 9) he is going to do what he wants
> to do anyway. Like I said before my son is a GREAT kid
> and he's loving and is respectful but when he's in school he just
> wants to act a damn fool.
Sounds like most of the 6-y/o's I know. You need to really evaluate
the situation with the teacher. It sounds as though your son needs a
teacher who can get through to him what consequences are in HER
classroom. A 6-y/o is smart enough to know how far he can take things
and with whom - changing from situation to situation. When a teacher
softly says "Son, what is the class doing right now?" "What should you
be doing now?" or offers gentle reminders, they are all really
acceptable to some kids. Afterall, the teacher doesn't seem miffed and
doesn't seem to mind offering all of these reminders. Yet, if that
teacher were willing to be more firm, instead of expecting that YOU
can make the difference for HER expectations IN HER classroom, she
would get much farther and you would see a huge improvement. Tell that
teacher that you are not opposed to your child being sent to the
office for a stern talking to, for a sit-out of recess as a
consequence, etc. and watch how quickly your child gets the gentle
messages that are being offered to him today about what is and what is
not considered acceptable by that teacher.
From: Kristina on 22 Oct 2007 17:51
On Oct 21, 8:27 am, enigma <eni...(a)evil.net> wrote:
> Kristina <reddhott...(a)gmail.com> wrote innews:1192957082.509523.172350(a)q5g2000prf.googlegroups.com:
> > I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the
> > behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a
> > great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and
> > be disobedient.
> what does his teacher say?
> from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year
> old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his
> criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy?
> boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so
> don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare
> his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy.
> 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making
> rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats
> when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with
> writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of
> running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet
> if he's only having problems at school, you need to work with
> the teacher or get him into a different classroom or school.
> it may just be a poor match for his learning style, or he may
> have learning disabilities (non-verbal learning disability,
> central processing disorder,etc)
> my son is 7. he's highly energetic, & has poor but slowly
> improving fine motor skills. he would be in constant trouble
> if he were in public school, so i don't subject him to that
> torture. i send him to a Montessori school, where he can
> choose what work he wants to do within guidelines, he can work
> on his own level & not have to wait for the whole class to be
> on the same page (he's reading at 4th grade level & doing 3-
> 4th grade math. he's doing robotics, & natural science is his
> favorite subject, except when it's math<g>). his class is 18
> kids & 2 teachers, plus music, movement, art, language,
> cooking & 'guest' teachers. Montessori kids don't usually sit
> at desks. they move around the room, sit on the floor or
> chairs. they talk to & help each other. if they get above
> grade level in a subject, they can go to the next level
> classroom for part of the day (so he can go to upper el for
> reading & math).
> i'm sure if he went to public school he & i would be at the
> principal's office almost constantly. but he's just a normal,
> high-spirited boy. i encourage that. i don't want my kid being
> an automaton.
> the only other thing i suggest is maybe you should seek
> councelling to lose that chip on your shoulder about the boy's
> father. if you start thinking the poor kid is "criminal" at 6
> years old, you *will* develop a self-fufilling prophecy.
> oh, and talk to your current husband about disipline. give
> him guidelines about what you think he should & should not do
> to help you.
I AT NO TIME HAVE EVER SAID THAT MY CHILD WAS A CRIMINAL OR WILL BE A
CRIMINAL!!!!!! NOR DID I SAY THAT I HATED HIS FATHER--AS A MATTER OF
FACT HIS FATHER IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND HE WILL TELL YOU
HIMSELF THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL AND HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE IN AND
OUT OF JAILS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!! Due to the
lifestyle his father has chosen, my son does not have any dealings
with his biological father. He knows he has another father (besides
my husband) but we don't talk about his biological father AT ALL FOR
ANY REASON. My husband has been my sons father since my son was
8months old and the biological knows and accepts that my son is happy
and has stated that he hopes none of his sons turn out to be like
him. He also is hearing the same things from his other children's
mothers and they can't seem to figure out what happened.
My son is a wonderful child and he has been tested and has no learning
disabilities. His teacher and his doctor chalk it up to him trying to
fit in because his behavior is usually something they brag about
amongst their co-workers and lately he has started to be something
that they scratch their heads over. Those who know my son have often
said there has been such a drastic change in behavior. My son isn't
doing things like stealing and hurting anyone, it's just that when you
get used to the loving, intelligent child and then all of a sudden he
starts lying and what not, you kinda have to scratch your head and
wonder what's happening.
I work with his teacher who tells me that minus the behavior issues,
he is a delight to have in class. He's helpful, he does his work with
no problem, he gets excited about homework and class work. He is
eager to answer questions and all the things that we are used to but
then it's like the light changes and he acts different.
I thank you for everything that you have said and most of it I have
already thought myself. I posted here b/c I was hoping to get some
different ideas. BTW: I don't expect my son to turn out to be a
criminal, actually I have high hopes for him. He wants to be like his
daddy (my husband) when he grows up!
From: Kristina on 22 Oct 2007 18:09
On Oct 21, 8:53 am, Banty <Banty_mem...(a)newsguy.com> wrote:
> In article <Xns99D0561A99542enigmaempire...(a)18.104.22.168>, enigma says...
> >Kristina <reddhott...(a)gmail.com> wrote in
> >> I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the
> >> behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a
> >> great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and
> >> be disobedient.
> >what does his teacher say?
> > from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year
> >old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his
> >criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy?
> > boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so
> >don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare
> >his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy.
> > 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making
> >rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats
> >when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with
> >writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of
> >running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet
> Ditto on what Lee said, and I'd like to really warn against either looking for
> "criminal" traits in him, or extrapolating his current behavior to teen
> behavior. He is not his biological father, and there are many huge
> developmental changes between six and the teen years.
> You know what helped me as a single mom of a six year old (as well as him)?
> Getting involved in Cub Scouts. Not only did it give him a set of activities
> every week and month that six year olds love and a bunch of friends, but it also
> gave ME a good look at what actual young boys really act like. That will also
> give you contacts with other parents with boys your age. For friends for him
> from generally good families attentive and involved with their kids, and for
> advice for you.
> And really beware of the sefl-fulfilling prophecy effect. Behavior from a
> perfectly normal six year old, not knowing that history, would be dismissed as a
> six year old with a lot of energy, knowing that history, he can barely act or
> speak without people thinking of that history. So I would leave that thought
> behind. The only person that needs to worry about all of that would be his
> physician should he ever need any evaluation.
> But first get an energy outlet for him and a level-setting experience for you -
> get him into Cub Scouts (he would start as a Tiger).
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I have been racking my brain for some
time now on programs for 6yr old boys. Considering I don't know many
people with 6yr old boys that actually care what is going on with
their children, it's hard for me to come up with anything. My husband
has suggested sports and not that that's a bad idea but right now my
son doesn't really have an interest in sports. How do I go about
getting him into the cub scouts? No one knows about his biological
father, everyone thinks my husband is his father and I plan to keep it
that way. My son knows, my husband knows and the biological father
knows and that's all that we need to know. I TRULY APPRECIATE THE
SUGGESTION and any others that you may have. Thank you for not
attacking me like some responses I have gotten.
From: Kristina on 22 Oct 2007 18:10
On Oct 21, 12:05 pm, toypup <toy...(a)sbcglobal.net> wrote:
> On 21 Oct 2007 05:53:58 -0700, Banty wrote:
> > You know what helped me as a single mom of a six year old (as well as him)?
> > Getting involved in Cub Scouts. Not only did it give him a set of activities
> > every week and month that six year olds love and a bunch of friends, but it also
> > gave ME a good look at what actual young boys really act like. That will also
> > give you contacts with other parents with boys your age. For friends for him
> > from generally good families attentive and involved with their kids, and for
> > advice for you.
> That's actually quite true. When I see DS in the Tiger Cubs, he is
> acutally quite well behaved. What he does do is normal. Before that, I was
> worried he was misbehaving too much.
Thank you, I was beginning to wonder if I was the only parent who
wondered if their child was misbehaving a lot. I want the best for my
son and I want him to be a child unlike the children you see in some
public places that act out and are disrespectful. I don't know what a
normal 6yr old boy is like so it's nice to hear that his behavior is
normal for his age.